Presence: The Missing Puzzle Piece of Well-being

How Presence Heals the Pain We’re All Trying to Solve

We spend so much of our lives trying to fix what feels wrong - our stress, sadness, discomfort. But what if true healing isn’t about solving or changing anything? What if it’s about presence?

In this article, we explore the profound impact of simply being with ourselves, rather than constantly trying to “fix” what we feel. You’ll learn why unprocessed emotions don’t just disappear, how they get stuck in our bodies, and most importantly - how you can begin to release them.

To help you move from understanding to action, we created an exclusive guided worksheet available to our paid subscribers. This resource will walk you through a simple yet powerful process to start reconnecting with your emotions. Upgrade today to access this practical tool and take the first step toward a more, present, attuned, and liberated self.

The Missing Piece in Our Well-Being

For most of my life, I believed that if something felt wrong, the best thing I could do was fix it. If I felt anxious, I’d make a plan. If I felt sad, I’d search for a reason and try to change my circumstances. If someone I loved was hurting, I’d jump into action.

But in all this fixing, analyzing, and doing, I was missing something—a part of myself that didn’t need fixing at all.

It didn’t need a solution.
It needed presence.

I didn’t fully grasp this until I came across Dr. Edward Tronick’s Still Face Experiment, a groundbreaking study that revealed something profound about human connection—and disconnection.

The Still Face Experiment and the Neglected Self

In the 1970s, Dr. Edward Tronick conducted an experiment where mothers were asked to interact warmly with their babies and then suddenly stop responding—keeping their faces still and expressionless.

At first, the babies did everything they could to bring their mothers back—their tiny hands reaching, their faces lighting up with hopeful smiles, their voices bubbling with coos and giggles. Their joy and trust were still intact, believing their mothers would return to them at any moment.

But the warmth they expected never came. Their joy wavered, their eyes searched, their little bodies stiffened. Their faces clouded with confusion. They squirmed, whimpered, and searched for reassurance that never came. Eventually, their movements slowed, their eyes dimmed, and they cried, disengaged, and shut down.

This experiment demonstrated something critical: It’s not just food, shelter, or even problem-solving that allows humans to thrive.

It’s engagement, presence, and attunement.

The Still Face Inside Us

This isn’t just about babies. There is a part inside each of us that functions the same way—a deep, felt sense of self that doesn’t communicate in words but in sensations, emotions, and energy.

When we ignore this part of ourselves—distracting, numbing, or constantly “fixing” what’s outside of us instead of turning toward what’s within—it reacts just like those babies in the Still Face Experiment, searching for connection and shutting down when it’s not found.

• At first, it signals gently. A flutter of unease, a tightness in the chest, a restless feeling that something isn’t quite right.

• If we don’t listen, it protests louder. Irritability, exhaustion, a feeling of being trapped in our own lives.

• If we still don’t listen, it shuts down. We feel emotionally numb, disconnected from ourselves, unable to feel joy or clarity.

We don’t recognize what’s happening because no one ever taught us how to tend to this inner world. Instead, we learned to push forward, perform, and problem-solve—burying discomfort rather than listening to it.

But this part of us doesn’t need a solution.
Just like the babies in the Still Face Experiment, it doesn’t need fixing—it just needs to be seen.

What Is a Stuck Emotion?

Emotions naturally rise, peak, and fade—but many of us don’t actually trust that process.

• We cling to pleasant emotions, afraid they’ll slip away too soon.

• We resist unpleasant emotions, afraid they’ll consume us if we allow ourselves to feel them.

But emotions aren’t like problems to be solved or things to be controlled. They aren’t meant to be grasped in desperation or shoved away in fear—they are meant to move through us, like waves, like breath. When we hold onto joy too tightly or push sadness out of sight, we disrupt that natural movement. And when emotions aren’t fully processed, they don’t just disappear—they get stuck.

A stuck emotion sinks deeper, weaving itself into your body, your thoughts, your reactions. It’s what happens when a wave of sadness, frustration, or fear never fully passes—when it remains locked inside, influencing how we feel, react, experience the world, and even how our bodies function.

How Stuck Emotions Show Up

Stuck emotions aren’t always obvious. They don’t always show up as breakdowns or big emotional outbursts. Instead, they manifest in subtle, insidious ways:

• A tight chest when you try to relax, like something heavy is pressing down on you.

• Replaying conversations from weeks ago, unable to let them go.

• Irritation at the smallest things, but not understanding why.

• Emotional numbness, where nothing—good or bad—seems to truly reach you.

• Exhaustion that isn’t physical, as if carrying something unseen.

And when emotions stay unprocessed, they don’t just sit quietly—they take root in the body. Studies link chronic tension, digestive issues, autoimmune conditions, and nervous system dysregulation to emotions that were never fully processed or released.

Just like a baby crying louder when ignored, unprocessed emotions will find a way to get our attention—until we finally turn toward them.

How to Start Releasing Stuck Emotions

If this resonates with you, don’t worry—there is nothing wrong with you. There is simply a part of you that is still waiting to be heard.

Here’s a simple practice to start shifting what’s been stuck:

1. Pause and tune in. Close your eyes and notice any tension or numbness.

2. Describe the sensation. Instead of saying “I feel fine,” name what’s in your body (e.g., “There’s heaviness in my chest.”).

3. Allow it. Acknowledge it: “I see you. You’re allowed to be here.”

4. Stay curious. Emotions shift when they feel acknowledged, not forced.

Instead of trying to force an emotion away, just be with it—like watching a cloud pass in the sky. Try this daily for a minute or two. Over time, you may notice the “stuck” feeling begin to soften or even release entirely.

What If You Check In and Feel Nothing?

Many people, when they first try this, feel nothing. If that happens, it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means your system is still learning to trust this process.

Inner Dialogue Example: Feeling Nothing

You: “I don’t feel anything. That must mean I’m doing this wrong.”
Instead, try:
"Okay, I notice that I feel nothing. That’s interesting. What does ‘nothing’ feel like? Is it numbness? Blankness? Can I describe it?"

Even feeling nothing is a feeling. By being with that void—that quiet, that absence, that space where something once was—you are already beginning to reconnect.

What If You Do Feel Something?

If you feel a sensation—tightness, heaviness, warmth—resist the urge to analyze or fix it. Just stay with it for a moment.

Inner Dialogue Example: Feeling Something Shift

You: “I feel this tightness in my belly, what’s causing that?”
Instead of pushing it away, try:
"I notice that tightness. It feels heavy. I wonder what it wants me to know."

Maybe you sit with it, and after a few moments, you feel your shoulders relax slightly. Then you sit with the sensation in your shoulders, noticing how it feels. Maybe it softens, maybe it shifts somewhere else, or maybe it simply stops and you feel nothing after that—whatever happens, you stay with it.

All shifts are “right.”

That’s the shift—your inner world responding to being acknowledged.

And those shifts? They are how you communicate with the pre-verbal part of you—the part that once looked for attunement before it had words. The babies in the Still Face Experiment didn’t need their mothers to explain they were safe; they needed to feel it through presence.

In the same way, you don’t need to convince your inner world it is safe, or fix anything outside of you to make it better.

You show it—by staying, by listening, by being with whatever arises.

How We’ve Been Conditioned to Abandon Ourselves

1. The Cultural Bias Toward Fixing, Not Feeling

We live in a world obsessed with eliminating pain, not engaging with it. Medicine, therapy, and self-help often focus on getting rid of unpleasant emotions rather than learning how to be with them. The problem? Avoiding pain doesn’t make it go away—it makes it get stuck.

2. Why Avoiding Pain Creates More Suffering

When we suppress difficult emotions, they don’t disappear. Instead, research shows that they show up in other ways: chronic pain, muscle tension, anxiety, depression, or even physical illness. Just like a baby being ignored, unprocessed emotions will keep signaling to us until we acknowledge them.

3. Why We Struggle to Feel Deep Joy

Many people say, “I feel joy—I love eating good food, watching my favorite show, going on vacations.” But this is hedonic pleasure—short-term gratification.

Lasting joy—eudaimonic pleasure—comes from deep connection, to ourselves and others. It’s not that people lack good experiences. It’s that they are cut off from the emotional depth that makes those experiences meaningful.

The Paradigm Shift: The Power of Being With, Rather Than Fixing

Presence is an action. Imagine a crying baby. You don’t fix the baby’s emotions—you hold them, comfort them, engage with them. The same is true for our inner world. Our emotions don’t need fixing. They need witnessing.

When we start engaging with our emotions instead of suppressing them, something shifts. Just like in The Still Face Experiment, the moment the mother re-engages, the baby’s distress eases. This is exactly what we need to do within ourselves.

How Do You Know If This Is “Working”?

If you practice this for a few weeks, here’s what you might notice:

• You start feeling more present in your body.

• Emotions move through you instead of getting stuck.

• You catch yourself pausing instead of reacting.

• You feel relief—even when nothing external has changed.

This is your inner world coming back to life.

The Science of Why This Matters

Studies show that emotional attunement supports nervous system regulation, immune function, heart health, overall well-being, and many other chronic health issues. The reason so many mental and physical health issues persist isn’t because we aren’t trying hard enough—it’s because we’ve been looking in the wrong place.

Presence is not a waste of time. It’s the missing piece in the puzzle of well-being.

An Invitation to Reconnect

You are not broken. You are not a problem to be solved.

The part of you where your felt sense and emotions live has been waiting for you to return—just like that baby in the Still Face Experiment, waiting for its mother to reengage.

Not to fix anything. Not to force anything away. But simply to be with what is there. To acknowledge it. To listen.

So, set a timer for 60 seconds. Close your eyes. Check in:

What am I feeling right now?

• If you feel nothing, describe the nothing.

• If you feel something, stay with it for a moment.

Maybe it shifts. Maybe it softens. Maybe it doesn’t change at all. Maybe all you do is sit there and breathe. And that is enough.

Because this is how healing begins. Not by doing more. But by finally being with yourself.

Your inner world has been waiting for you. Waiting, not for you to fix it, but simply to come home.