There was a time—honestly, it went on for years—when I noticed something strange.
Whenever something good was about to happen in my life, I felt that natural pull to share it. Not with everyone but rather with someone close to me, someone I trusted.
But after I shared, it was like something shifted. The opportunity would fall through. Or I’d start second-guessing myself. Sometimes I just felt uncomfortable, like I had jinxed it somehow.
It happened enough that I couldn’t ignore the pattern. I started to wonder if sharing my joy—especially with one specific person—was changing how it all unfolded. Not because they meant me harm. But because something in them couldn't fully welcome what I was feeling.
Eventually, I stopped sharing. Not because I didn’t want connection, but because sharing too soon felt like it could derail what I was hoping for.
Not All Love Feels Safe for Joy
We don’t talk about this much, but it’s real. You can love someone—and know they love you—and still not feel safe being happy around them.
They might care deeply about you. They might be trying their best. But something in their energy shifts when you’re hopeful or excited.
Maybe they say something cautious or discouraging.
Maybe they go quiet.
Maybe they smile, but it doesn’t feel quite right.
It took me a while to trust that feeling. But eventually I realized: this wasn’t about me being overly sensitive. It was about something in them getting quietly stirred by my joy.
We All Carry Unprocessed Stuff
The truth is, it’s not just them. We all carry pain we haven’t fully processed. Disappointments, things that didn’t work out, dreams that had to be set aside.
So when we get something someone close to us wanted but didn’t get, it can stir up emotion in them. They may not realize it’s happening—but it shows up in small ways:
Concern: They say things like, “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up” or “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” It sounds like care, but it lands as doubt.
Flatness: You share something joyful and they give you a neutral “Oh… nice.” Not unkind—just flat.
Distraction: They change the subject quickly, like your joy didn’t really land with them.
Dismissal: They make a light joke that feels like a jab—“Well, not all of us have things going our way.”
It’s not that they want your plans to fall apart. But your excitement can remind them of their own unmet hopes. And without meaning to, they cool things down.
Not to hurt you—but to settle something inside themselves.
My Body Figured It Out First
This didn’t come to me from a book, I had been feeling it for a while.
That small hesitation before I’d share something exciting.
The moment of doubt after the conversation ended.
That feeling of being spiritually “jinxed”—even when that didn’t make logical sense.
My body was picking up on something long before I had words for it.
Why I Pulled Back—and Why It Hurt
Eventually, I just stopped talking about certain things with certain people in my life.
Especially the things that weren’t solid yet, the things that felt new, or vulnerable, or exciting.
Not because I didn’t want to share. But because sharing too soon felt like it might disrupt them before they really had a chance to work out.
And honestly, that decision came with grief.
Because we’re wired to share joy. It’s part of how we feel connected—by letting people in, especially when something matters.
Keeping it to myself felt like a quiet kind of loneliness.
Not because I didn’t feel loved. But because I didn’t feel safe letting my joy be seen.
The Hardest Part to Admit
Here’s the part that took me the longest to accept:
Sometimes, the people who love us the most aren’t able to hold our joy.
Not because they don’t want to. But because they haven’t made peace with their own pain.
And that’s when we have to tell ourselves the harder truth:
They love me—and my joy still didn’t feel welcome.
They did their best—and I still learned to stay small around them.
It doesn’t make them bad. It just means we stop pretending we don’t notice.
If This Sounds Familiar
If you’ve ever hesitated to share something beautiful…
If you’ve felt your excitement shrink after a conversation that should have lifted you up…
If you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Maybe I’ll just keep this one to myself”—
That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
Your body is protecting what matters most to you. Even if the protection feels a little lonely at times.
Joy Doesn’t Just Want to Be Protected—It Wants to Expand
This isn’t just about guarding your joy. It’s also about growing it.
Because the more you notice where your joy gets smaller—and where it gets bigger—the more you can choose how to share it.
Not to hide it, but to let it land where it can be received.
Not everyone can meet your joy with openness. And that’s okay. Not everyone has to.
Discernment isn’t about secrecy. It’s about being intentional.
It’s knowing the difference between forcing someone to clap for you and choosing people who are already on their feet.
When you share with the right people, your joy doesn’t shrink—it multiplies.
That’s not being guarded. That’s being wise.
A Real-World Blessing
If you’ve ever been told to tone it down…
If you’ve ever felt too much, too bright, too full of something someone else couldn’t hold—
Here’s what I hope:
That you learn to trust yourself more, not less.
That you learn to share what matters—but only where it can grow.
That you stop handing your light to people who keep dimming it.
You get to decide where your joy goes. That’s your right.
And I hope, little by little, you find the people whose hearts feel like sunshine.
The ones who light up when you shine.
Because joy, when shared in safety?
That’s not just sweet.
That’s healing.
Tomorrow’s Paid Subscriber Post
If you’d like to go deeper, I’ll be sharing a companion guide with paid subscribers where we’ll explore questions like: Who in your life helps you shine? Who unintentionally dims your joy? And how can you begin to discern the difference?
I often remember the Biblical advise to "not throw your pearls before swine". Sometimes it is hard to consider someone you love as "swine"... though I know it is wisdom...it is a challenge.
Thanks for
Very wise. I've had just that experience with a few people!